Bucket Five

Death of a Conversation

2011-10-04T20:13:00.000-05:00

Ya know? Like "Death of a Salesman"? Only "Conversation".

Anyway, I've thought, for a long time, that the art of conversation is a lost one. Or at least, it is slowly being lost.....one text message at a time. Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE text messaging. It's short, to the point, and time efficient. It keeps you from having to exchange a ton of social norm type greetings, small talk, etc....when all you really need to do is convey a quick message or ask a question. Text messaging is a great thing-in the right circumstances.

However, I think it has been the death of the conversation. It has become the easy no-risk way to ask someone out. It has become an avenue for hurtful comments to someone without the discomfort of having to talk to them face to face. It has become a way to talk about someone behind their back right in front of their face. It has become a way to get to know someone in short 3 sentence messages. It has become a great way to have surface conversations that lead to surface relationships. Darn you, text messaging!! I envision a world 20 years down the road where company big-wigs successfully execute mergers using their smart phones and words like "gr8" and "ttyl." It worries me a bit. :)

While text messaging has its time and place, it's not good for every situation. You CANNOT get to know someone via text messaging. You CANNOT form lasting friendships all by texting. You certainly CANNOT, nor should you, get to know a potential date, ask them out, or conduct most of your relationship by text messaging....or any other form of technology, for that matter. Sure, a few quick messages sent back and forth to make sure you have the right number or make the person aware that you have their number is fine. But shortly there after, you need to take that to the next level.......a phone call!! dun, Dun, DUN!!!! I know.....nothing so terrifying as the phone call. (said is a voice full of dread) Really?? Why are we so afraid of a phone call??!!?? Have we forgotten how to actually talk to someone using real words and our voice? A phone call is still fairly low risk. It's not like you're sitting across from the person, so until you feel a little more secure in the budding relationship, you still have the buffer of miles of phone lines separating the two of you.

I just know too many people who have asked girls out via text message. And I know too many girls who have accepted dates via text message. And it's NOT COOL!! Guys, take a risk! Prove to the girl that you actually know how to talk, and converse, and listen to what someone has to say. You'll probably learn more quickly if you do or don't like her when you have a real conversation with her. Show her that you think she's worth it - not that you'll reply to her during the next commercial or after you get up from your nap. If she's worth dating, then she's worth getting to know via a real conversation. Put forth some effort. Girls, you know what else is not cool? Never expecting more from a potential date and going along with the text message mania! You are worth more than that. And so is he! He deserves to get to talk to you too! And just because you are a girl doesn't mean you get to do all the talking. You need to prove to him that you are interested in getting to know him to - and listen to him!

Bottom line - we've taken all the "work" out of getting to know people. We've gotten lazy, and our grammar and spelling have suffered. Conversation is an art, and it takes practice. Listening is an art, and it takes even more practice than talking. And having a live, real time conversation requires thinking on your feet, and maybe, just maybe you will grow a little as a person while simultaneously developing a relationship with another human being. It will change your life.

Thx 4 ur time. Its been gr8. TTFN. ;)

Best cold weather food. E.V.E.R.

2011-09-12T19:31:00.001-05:00

Just wanted to share a D-Lish recipe with you all today!! This is one of my favorites of all time! I got if from my sweet and wonderful roommate Lauren Hymer. And I was so glad she introduced me to it!! :) Lauren was killed in a car accident on June 17 of 2006 - only 6 months after moving in with me. It was a short time, but a fun time, and I miss that girl like crazy! Although this soup IS delicious, part of the reason I like it so much is because it reminds me of her!! :)
I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. It's great for a crisp autumn day!!

Chicken Enchilada Soup
10-12 oz of cooked chopped chicken
2 can cream of chicken soup
1 can rotel
1 can cream style corn
1 cup cooked or minute rice
1-2 cups chicken broth
8 oz velveeta

Combine all ingredients in pot on stove or slow cooker and heat until blended. Great to eat over tortilla chips!!

Tips:
- I use canned chicken. Shh....don't tell anyone.
- If you want it thicker - more dip like - add more rice; If you want it thinner - more soup like - add more broth.
- Wait and add the Velveeta until about 30 minutes before serving - especially if making in a slow cooker. The cheese will burn and make your soup a little ookie if you don't watch it. You don't want ookie soup, do you??

Make it next week and have some friends over. Make it for the new mom you work with or sit next to at church. Make it for your next family get together. You can't go wrong with it. I have yet to find someone who doesn't like it. And when you make it, savor every bite......and think of Lauren. :)

Cooler Weather? Yes, Please!

2011-08-31T21:01:00.001-05:00

OK - I am SO OVER this Arkansas heat! SO over it!! If I were any more over it, I'd be under it! Yeah.....not exactly sure what that means, but I think you get the point here - I am ready for fall!!!

I love fall. Everything about it. The colors. The temperature. The fashion. The smells. Football season! :) I can't wait! We had a few days of cool(er) weather, and it was just enough to make me antsy for autumn. Add to that fact that I sweat - not a dainty glisten - sweat! Yeah....I'm over sweating about as much as I'm over the heat. Oh Fall, won't you hurry up??

As much as I love a crisp cool breeze, I think what I really love is the changing of the seasons. Something new. Something different. Variety......it's the spice of life, you know. ;) I tend to get bored easily. One of my many (many, many) faults. So, as each season rolls to an end, I get so excited about the next one coming up. Only sometimes, I'm ready for the next one before the current one is even close to being over. Impatience - it's also another of my many faults.

~~Sometimes~~ Most of the time, I'm like that in life. I like where I'm at OK, but I just can't help but wonder what the next step will be. What it will bring. How it will change me. I love the idea. I get excited about it. I can't wait for it. And ~~sometimes~~ most of the time, I miss what's going on now. I try, so desperately, to live in the moment, but so often, I lose sight of that because I'm watching for what's coming up.

I was discussing with a friend the other day how I've been feeling restless lately. I don't know why. I don't know what I'm expecting or even wanting. I don't know if something is actually around the bend, or if I'm just feeling it. I just feel antsy. Ready for a change. Excited about the possibility of something new. And though I love that feeling, I'm simultaneously trying to live in the present. To enjoy my here and now. To keep my eyes open for the lessons God is trying to teach me, my ears open for what He's trying to say, my heart open for every opportunity He gives me to show His love and bring Him glory.

I really am not sure what the point of this post is. I just wanted to put that out there, I guess. I wonder if anyone else feels the same way.

X=Happy?

2011-08-20T14:00:00.000-05:00

"How can you be happy single?"
"You are single, but you seem so happy. How?"
"I am single, but hate it. I try to be content, but it just seems to come so easily for you. How do you do it?"
"You just seem to love your life so much. How do you stay so happy even though you are single?"

There are a zillion ways to word it. This question. The question that I have been asked countless times. The question that never just comes out and says it, but always seems to imply that whole "Your life is sad and pitiful because you don't have a man in it. How on earth do you make it through each day?" mentality. The million dollar question, if you will. You don't have something that you want or that society tells you that you need, but you appear happy. How do you stay happy? As if there is a magical elixir to drink, book to read, or words to chant to give me all the happiness in the world despite my "terrible circumstance."

Let's get one thing straight. I STRUGGLE WITH CONTENTMENT!! I wish I had a switch to just turn off any desire I might have for a husband so that I won't spend any time wanting one when I don't have one. But that switch does not exist. So, please don't think I have a special gift that enables me to be happy on demand. If you think I seem happy every time you see me, it's because pity parties aren't attractive and don't really win you any friends. I try to save mine for the privacy of my own home. ha ha! :)
Another thing - any joy, happiness, contentment I have is from the Lord, and only from the Lord. And it's only when I choose to dwell on His goodness, His blessings, His amazing love and grace. And it's a daily, hourly, minute by minute prayer. I have to ask Him for that contentment.....and then I have to let go of the death grip I have on my penchant for focusing on lack of. I have to let go of the self pity. I have to let go of the bitterness and the sadness and the tendency to wallow. God will gladly give you all the peace, joy, and contentment you ask for. But you have to hand over all the junk you are holding onto in order to empty yourself for all the great stuff He's going to pour into you. And that handing over may be something you have to do over and over. Every day. Every hour. Every minute. Ya know....cause we have a tendency to want to chuck all the great stuff God gives us to look back, turn around, even run back and pick up all the junk we just dropped, and pick it up and carry it again! You know what happened to Lot's wife, right?!?
Matthew gave us this promise from the Lord. His yoke is EASY. His burden is LIGHT!! Wow. God is telling us to bring him our heavy, ugly, cumbersome burdens, and He will trade that for something that is easy and light. WHY, WHY, OH WHY would we not take that deal?!?! All we have to do is "come unto [Him]." Just go to the Lord. Talk to Him. Cry out to Him. Do whatcha gotta do to get all those daily feelings of loneliness, depression, restlessness, and desire out and up to the surface. And then lay down your burdens and take His. And if you have to, do it every day. Every hour. Every minute.

Secondly, we have to stop doing 2 things. 1.) Stop looking at singleness as a pitiful, sad, un-fun life. and 2.) Stop depending on another human to make you happy.
1.) Singleness is just as fun or just as miserable as you make it - Just like anything else in life.
2.) No human is perfect. At one time or another they WILL let you down. It may be unintentional. It may not entirely be their fault. But they will. And then all those hopes, dreams and (enormous pressure) you have rested on them will go up in smoke. And great issues will arise. And there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth. When your focus is happiness in that other person, any time you find that you're not happy, you will also project that onto them. When your joy is in the Lord, yes, you may not be happy with the other person if they let you down, but you still have that joy and peace from the Lord that will allow you to work through the issues with the other person with a little perspective and patience. And I'm sure they will appreciate that. And the Lord will be glorified.

Unfortunately, there is no mathematical equation to use for total ultimate happiness. Wow, if there was, I would have enjoyed College Algebra a whole lot more! But, the solution IS a lot easier than you think. And way easier than 3x-7y (8+10c) = 151987654657687.

The Secret to Finding Happiness.....

2011-08-05T22:28:00.001-05:00

I don't know if you've ever heard of www.pinterest.com, but if you haven't, you need to check that site out. Amazing!!! :)

I found this sign on Pinterest today. Wow....did it speak to me. And convict me beyond belief. All too often, I am guilty of "greener grass" syndrome. It's so easy for me to look around and see what everyone else has, and magically, what I don't have becomes all too evident! - and then becomes my focus...nay, my obsession! Why? Why do we do that? I say "we", because I know I am not the only person in the world who does it! Really, I say "we" because it makes me not feel as bad about doing it.

2 Peter 1:3 says that God has given us everything we NEED! Now, I know a lot of times we confuse the NEED and the WANT. I hate to break it to you (and myself), but we don't really NEED that new pair of knee high boots to go with the new fall line. We don't really NEED a new car because the one we currently drive might have a few more miles on it than we care to mention. We certainly don't NEED that 2nd slice of cake for dessert, a new DVD that just came out today, or new furniture for the living room. Those are all things we want. And I am so guilty of buying things I think I need, when what I already have will work just fine. I'm also guilty of wondering why I don't have a date. A boyfriend. A husband.....when I see so many other fold that do have that. I think way too much about it. I focus on the lack of something, instead of focusing on my abundance - of loving family members, or incredible friends, of a great job, a wonderful church, a great home to live in.....I could go on and on.

So I ask again - why? Why do we harp on what we think is missing instead of counting our blessings?!? Satan knows our weaknesses. He knows that we live in America - and don't get me wrong, I love this country!! - but we do live in a day and age when an attitude of entitlement is prevalent. He knows what our heart wants, and he knows how to push all the right buttons. I admit that I do choose to dwell, obsess, wallow......that's no one's fault buy my own. But, it is so important for use to be aware of this issue. We need to be on guard, and ready to pull a Polyanna when Satan tries to rob us of our joy!!!!

So, do I sometimes weary of being alone? Yes. Do I want a husband some day? Yes. Do I NEED that? Obviously not, because Peter wouldn't lie! If I needed it, I would have it. So, from this point forward, I am purposing to count my blessings. To focus on all the wonderful things in my life. To obsess over how I need to use my blessings, gifts and talents to glorify God. And to ultimately realize that everything good in my life comes from Him to begin with - it's all His that He's letting me borrow for a while.

Tim Taylor's got nuthin on me!

2011-07-20T21:01:00.001-05:00

OK....so....I told you I was going to start blogging again. And I was going to shoot for one post a week. So, here we go. :) I'm not really sure what to blog about. All my good ideas that I didn't write down?? Yeah....they are G. O. N. E. So, I can't promise this is going to be a nail biter.

So, last weekend I started a "home improvement" project. More cosmetic than anything, but it's been work, let me tell ya. I like working in and on my home. When I was shopping for a house, I loved the idea of buying a fixer-upper. And most of the time, I like doing the work myself. Not because I'm a control freak who believes that no one else can do it like I can......well, maybe it's a little because of that. :) But MOSTLY it's because I think crafty/do-it-yourself/makeover/HGTV type stuff is fun. And satisfying - I like being able to say I did it.
So, on a bit of a wild hair, I went to Lowe's Friday evening and got some stuff. I currently have paneling in almost my entire house. It's all painted, but it's still paneling. :) I got tired of it, and of the color (Soul Chocolate....no lie) in my bedroom, so I decided to texture over it and repaint. The texture is the stuff they spray over sheet rock. I cleaned a wall, and started hand applying it with a putty knife......yeah. 3 hours later, my arm was worn out!! But it was too late. I had to march on. The giant bucket of texture was going to dry out and be wasted if I didn't finish. So, I kept going. I finished the bucket which got me one entire wall, and the majority of a 2nd wall. That dried for 24 hours, then it was paint time! Here are a few pictures to prove that it is, in fact, more fabulous than I just made it sound:
This is the "before":

The texture:

This is all the texture on the wall. Yes, it took a way long time.

This is an instagram photo. :) Here is the paint color going on - you can see a little of the unpainted texture. Pretty cool, huh?:

This is the finished product! I also painted the upper and lower trim. THAT is for the birds!:

And here is the Tiger's Blood snow cone I ate as a reward for all my hard work. :)

This was a 2 day project - and I'm not even half way done. My super fab friend, Beth, came over tonight to help me take my TV down from it's wall mount. I have to take a few things off the wall, and I will be able to finish. The crummy part is, I've lost my DIY will for the moment. When I start a project, I like to finish it - all at one time. Darn that TV wall mount!
This is where living alone isn't always fun for me. :) It's where being single really becomes a less than desirable reality. It would have been nice to have someone to help with the TV while I still had my DIY pants on. :) I wouldn't be so cruel as to suck someone into my crazy HGTV wanna-be world. But someone to take the shelf off the wall, help move the bed out of the room so I didn't have to work around it, or get the stupid TV out of the room - that would have been nice.
Do you ever have a job or circumstance when you think "Right now would be a great time for that 'help-meet.'"? Do you ever think "An extra set of hands would be helpful at this moment."? If you think that from time to time, know that you are not alone. It doesn't mean you are weak. It doesn't mean that you are needy or whiney. It just means that you'd like to not be doing life alone. And it means that when you have super fab friends like Beth, that you are all the more thankful for them. :)

Wow.....It's been a LONG time.

2011-07-12T20:52:00.000-05:00

OK.....I have no excuse. Well, maybe a little one. I DID have a tumor that kept me a little preoccupied. BUT, that was only part of my extended blogging absence. The rest of my absence.....yeah, that's the part I don't have an excuse for. I will say that I've had a zillion great blog ideas lately, but when I have time to blog, I can't remember any of them. Or, I just forget to blog all together. Or, if I do have time and an idea, I am just tired of looking at a computer screen. Yes, all lame-o. I know. I'm just sayin'.

I'm also here to just say that I am going to make a concerted effort to post more often. I'm not saying it will be every day. But maybe once a week......ish. ;) I am also going to try to make it a habit to write down my stellar blog ideas before I forget them, so that when I do have time to blog, I will remember my own genius! :) I guess if I were that genius, I wouldn't need to write my ideas down to keep from forgetting.

In the mean time, check out this book. I am currently reading it. And while I will say, for me, it hasn't been the easiest/smoothest read, it is full of great truths. It has also been very challenging - it will really mess with the way you view life, your sense of entitlement, and your ideas of the "American Dream." Yes, it steps on toes a bit, but it's a good thing - stuff you already know, but still need to be reminded of from time to time. If you've read it, let me know what you think. If you haven't, go read it, then let me know what you think. I love discussion.

Love This

2011-04-06T22:08:00.001-05:00

http://theresurgence.com/2011/04/06/a-poem-for-all-single-people-pass-it-on

Tumor Epilogue

2011-03-23T00:32:00.001-05:00

OK, so here's the final post, and I will quite harassing everyone. :)

All in all, my face feels a little like I got punched in the nose. Upper lip is sore, but only if I bump it. Nose is the same way. The incision seems to be healing fairly quickly - thanks to the help of some vitamin E oil! :) Brushing my teeth....well, I have to be very careful when doing that. I brush normally, except when brushing the front uppers. I do that very slowly and carefully. But, I am able to brush them, and that has to count for something. :) Like I mentioned, I fatigue really quickly, and that takes some getting used to. I have not felt any dizziness, but if I stand up or turn around too quickly, I wobble a bit. So, slow calculated movements have become my M.O. Which, for those of you who know me well, know that that should have been the case my whole life!
As for my vision, it has not totally returned, but it is a lot better than I dreamed it would be this early on. I have most of my peripheral back and things aren't nearly as blurry as before. I haven't noticed chronic headaches - only when I try to do too much. My digestion....well, that is a different story. I won't go into details, but I have had indigestion, too much digestion, no digestion.....its crazy. I don't know if that's a side effect or if my system is just out of whack from my hospital stay. But it's not fun! I left the hospital with an antibiotic - standard surgery fair - a steroid, and instructions to continue my normal meds until my follow up appt. Taking this much medicine is really odd to me. I take 5 pills in the morning, 5 at lunch, and 3 in the evenings. But that is only for a week. I lose the antibiotic and drop down on the steroids after that. I also have to go to follow up appointments with each doctor and have a follow up MRI. That is 5 appointments. And I could not get mine scheduled on the same days. So, 5 trips to LR are in my near future! :) Something new - I have to start seeing an endocrinologist. Endocrinologists are not just for diabetics. :) I have to start seeing ones to make sure my pituitary and thyroid have regained full function, and if not, find the right balance of meds/hormones to make everything do what it should do! My endocrinologist (the one that saw me in the hospital) isn't exactly Mr. Personality, so this should be interesting.

My family and friends have been amazing. Amazing, actually, doesn't even begin to describe it. I have been prayed for and encouraged by more people - friends, acquaintances, and strangers. My family has made me laugh, kept me grounded, and sat by my side this whole time. I have never felt so loved, cared for, or worried about in my life. I truly cannot wrap my mind around it. And then there is the list of folks who drove me to appointments, came to visit, brought snacks and made sure my parents were taken care of while at the hospital....THANK YOU TO EVERYONE!!! Thank you is nowhere near enough. Not even close.

As for the impending melt down I mentioned earlier....it never came. My whole life, I've heard about the "peace that passes all understanding." Wow....heard of it, but don't think I ever really experienced it until now. I don't really know how to explain it....duh.....it does pass all understanding. I do know that it came straight from the Lord, and no one else! I have had several tell me that I've had a great attitude throughout this whole ordeal. That I'm so positive. That if it were them, they'd be freaking out. Well, I was seriously waiting on all of that to happen to me! It didn't. Only because of the Lord. I prayed when all of this started that God would use it all for His glory - no matter what the outcome. So, if/when you think of me and/or this situation, know that God was in total control - of the situation and of me. I am so undeserving of his love and grace - yet he continues to pour it out to me. He poured it out in the form of a calm and quiet while going through this process. He poured it out in the form of a successful surgery with skilled surgeons and optimal circumstances. He poured it out in the form of a great and low maintenance recovery. God is good. And even if this would have ended differently - if the tumor would have been cancerous, if my sight would have been lost forever, if I would have suffered with intense pain....He would be no less good.

Thanks for reading. During this whole thing, I have realized how common Pituitary Adenoma really is. If you or someone you know is going through this, please feel free to contact me with any questions. I know every situation isn't the same, but I would be happy to talk to you about anything. If you have found any entertainment and/or insigt while reading this...well, I'm glad. It hasn't been my most favorite experience ever, but I am glad I have learned so much. Thank you and goodnight!

It's Not a Tumah.....Anymore At Least: Part 2

2011-03-22T16:57:00.002-05:00

And now for the thrilling continuation of this afternoon's edition of Mystery Surgery Theatre. (are you picturing me sitting in a large wing backed chair with a pipe and smoking jacket? Thought so.)

OK, this next bit is not first hand knowledge. As you remember when I left off, I was out like a light. This is all stuff people told me after I woke up.

Transsphenoidal Resection of a Pituitary Tumor. Say that 5 times fast. That was the name of what they did to me. And if you are one of "those people", you can click here to see a video of the surgery. It's gross, but not too gross. I watched it. I am not sure if this is the exact step by step process they did to me, but it's close. For those of you who don't want to see a strangers innards, here is how it goes: They made in incision in my upper gums-pretty high up because i can't see if when I pull my upper lip up. They went in and drained out the fluid in the cyst in the middle of the tumor in order to, sort of, "deflate" the tumor to a smaller size so they could pull it out. With mine, they found (after they go in there) that there was another cyst ON my tumor as well. This explains the rapid and extreme vision loss over the previous week - the cyst was taking up more space in there then the dr. originally thought. And we all know how big my brain is, so there wasn't a lot of room to start with! ;) They were able to drain that cyst and remove it as well. The dr. said he got almost all of the tumor he could - apparently some scraping of my brain was involved - ick. They sent that to pathology to make sure it wasn't cancerous, but he said that was only a precaution. The ENT did the incision and closed up (in case you were wondering why an ENT was involved). He told my parents that normally, after he gets in, he has to chip away a part of some bone in there to make room to get the rumor out. Mine was already gone - the tumor had apparently eroded it. He also said that I have a deviated septum. :) Whatever the heck that means. All in all, what is normally a 1.5 to 2 hour surgery lasted about 45 minutes. Crazy!!!

Back to what I can remember: I woke up in recovery, to what was, I am pretty sure, a giant bag of cotton the nurses has stuffed into my mouth. Geez! I could barely talk, swallow, anything! Not only does anesthesia give you dry mouth, both of my nostrils were packed with gauze, and I could only breathe through my mouth. Super. I will say to this day, that is honestly probably the worst thing I dealt with during all of the recovery process. A nice nurse fed me the occasional ice chip - she didn't want to give me to much because I had warned them that I get nauseated when coming out of anesthesia. So, I tried to talk and joke as I could - through that giant wad of cotton. After about an hour, they wheeled me up to ICU. ICU is standard for this kind of recovery, I was told. I helped myself over from my stretcher to my bed, and the nurse said "Why did they send you up here?" lol! I told him it was standard procedure, and he was satisfied with that, although I could tell he was a little disappointed that he wasn't going to get some major critical, head incision, neuro-patient. Oh well. When talking in terms of Surgial Intensive Care Units, I would much prefer being the boring kind of patient.
My family got to come in to see me before my dad had to go to HIS surgical procedure.....yeah, we do it up real big in our family. He was having out-patient surgery on one of his legs to help improve his circulation that afternoon - which he passed with flying colors. He walked back into my room a few hours later. :) After a few visits with family and friends, I zonked out. I remember waking every 45 minutes or an hour to roll my head to the other side, but I think I was out for 3 or 4 hours. This whole time, still with nose packing, I had to breathe through my mouth. So, that made for difficult continued sleep. But, I managed to push through. :) After I woke up, I was ready to sit up, chat, talk, laugh....you know, back to the norm. I was smiling and laughing with my mom, and the nurse told me to stop smiling and laughing. Boo on him! :) He was concerned that the nose packing would put pressure on the areas I had worked on and created unnecessary bleeding or spinal fluid leakage. Yeah...that's what I thought too....Gross. So, I had to stop being my usually witty and charming self so I could focus on not smiling. He had also taped a huge roll of gauze under my nose because some blood and fluid were dripping. Seriously, so sorry for all the TMI, but I'm trying to be totally honest here! So, here I was, bed head, puffy faced, with gauze taped across like a mustache. Across the bridge of my nose was a little swollen, but I didn't have the black eyes or beaten up look I had been expecting. One point for the surgeons!
I still had horribly dry mouth, so I asked for something to eat. A nurse brought me some jello, and I gladly ate it. I was afraid my regular meals would be jello, soup, and the like for the next several days. The jello helped, but I was still hungry. A little while later, I asked my nurse if I could eat "real food" meaning mased potatoes or rice or something. He said "sure!" and brought me a pork chop with gravy, mashed potatoes and steamed veggies. Wow.....OK. I could live with that. Chewing was a bit precarious, but all in all, it wasn't too bad a gig. The incision is really high enough that it is well guarded while eating. Brushing my teeth, at this point, was a mystery - wasn't sure how that would work. I had had a few visitors at this point. A few friends were currently in there, but then, visiting time ended. 6:30-8:30 - what was that all about? That is the perfect time for people to stop by and they couldn't! Stupid SICU. Oh well, this gave mom and dad some time to go get dinner. I watched TV, texted, check facebook and e-mail. I kinda got bored. That night, I didn't sleep well. It took forever to get sleepy, and then I still couldn't sleep because, well, having to sleep with your mouth open is not ideal. So, I asked for some sleep meds. The nurse said they can't really give sleep meds to a neuro patient, but she could give me some pain meds that would make me sleepy. So, I had the one and only pain pill I have taken since this whole thing....and it was to help me sleep. I'm not saying that to say "Hey look at me! I'm tougher than She-Ra." Although, I could totally kick She-Ra's butt if I had to. I am saying it to say, this really wasn't a horrible painful experience. Sure, my nose and mouth felt like I had gotten punched, but as far as constant throbbing or unbearable pain - nada. What a blessing! I slept on and off that night, and was awake bright and early. Breakfast was another totally normal meal, then I headed down for another head CT. I guess they wanted to make sure none of my brain had oozed out over night. :) Once again, I'm assuming that looked normal because I didn't hear any gasping or freaking out. They took me back up to the room where my nurse finally took off the gauze mustache because the draining had stopped. Not long after that, Dr. Hearnsberger, the ENT came in to check my nose. He said it looked good, and then proceeded to pull a 4 inch spike out of each of my nostrils!! Well....OK....they weren't spikes, but my dad said they probably were about 4 inches long. Yowza!! It wasn't the worst pain ever, but it did hurt. But the minute they were out, I felt the warmth of Heaven shining down, I heard the angels singing, and I took a long deep breath.....through my nose!!!!
I have forgotten to mention that I now was the proud owner of a Foley Catheter. :) Good times. They put it in during surgery, and it was my closest companion over the next couple days. While in ICU, I impressed them all with my stellar recovery. However, they were concerned about my liquid intake and output. So, they kept the cath in for quite some time to monitor this. I was confused because I was drinking a regular amount of liquids and they also had me on a constant IV drip - of course I was going to be putting out a lot of liquids. They didn't listen to my superior knowledge and reasoning about this topic. Crazy college educated doctors and nurses. Think they know everything....
Despite the urine issue, they stepped me down to a regular room, catheter and all. I got settled into my new room around noon on Thursday, the day after surgery. They were all in a tizzy about my urine as well, so I got to hear more about how I was peeing too much. Yay. Joy. Big Whoop. From this point on, I enjoyed having my vitals taken only every 3 or 4 hours instead of once an hour. I also enjoyed an unlimited amount of company, with several people being in my room at once. It was fun. I did not, however, meet my goal of breaking the hospital record for the most visitors. Oh well. Worse things could happen. Hmm....I can't think of anything super extraordinary that happened while in my normal room. I did have the parade of doctors in and out, but none of them really said much. Just aked how I was feeling - which was fine. Friday rolled around, full of more un-extraordinary-ness. Oh wait!! I got to say goodbye to the Foley Friday morning!! Hooray!! Yay! Yay!! I finally put on real clothes and waited anxiously until I got paroled. They finally told me I could go home, but they were waiting to get final word for Dr. Shahim. That apparently took a while, but we finally got on the road for home around 8:15 Friday night. I got home and took a shower first thing - oh, to be clean!! There's nothing like it! We all went to bed, and my at home recovery began.
I left the hospital with orders not to bend over, suck from a straw, lift anything over 10 pounds, drive, hmm....probably some other things too. Do you know how hard it is to not bend over? I drop a lot of stuff.....man it's a pain! I have stayed close to home for the most part. I fatigue really easily, but do try to get up and walk around the house, or do things that don't require any of my list of no-no's. Mom and I got out yesterday and ran to Wal-Mart for a few, very few, minutes. I was exhausted by the time we got home. I had a bit of a headache, so I took some Ibuprofen and was feeling better in no time.
Sorry I don't have any huge big major recovery stories to share - pretty boring in that respect. But like I said earlier, boring is OK sometimes. :) I think this is about the end or my play by play. i will have one more post later, but for now, you know the guts of it. :)

It's Not a Tumah.....Anymore At Least

2011-03-22T11:09:00.001-05:00

Well, here it is. The blog post I couldn't decide if I wanted to write. Or how much to write. Or what to write. But, my parents are both gone to take my dad to his follow-up appointment, and this is the first time I've been alone (unless you count Jasper) since the surgery. I'm not quite sure what to do with myself, and to be honest, I'm a little bored. I thought I would enjoy the quiet, but not so much today. So, ta da! Here's a blog post.
First off, let me start by saying.....yes, I am very aware that I have not posted on this blog for quite some time. Sorry about that. But I hated to post the sordid affair on my photography blog. So, I will just link this post to one on my photography blog! :)
Secondly, let me say that while my vision is way better now than pre-surgery, it is still no 100%, so please pardon any typos or major misspellings. IT'S NOT MY FAULT, OK!!!!!! ;) j/k
OK, I'm just going to start from the beginning.....a very good place to start. When you read you begin with A,B,C. When you sing, you begin with Do, Re, Mi.....OK, OK, I will stop now. Just slipped into a little show tune frenzy there. The beginning - a lot of peeps don't know how this started. And, in the small, random, off chance case that someone is reading this, thinking they might be going through the same thing, you will know how mine all started.

Here goes:

Back around the end of October/beginning of November, I started noticing some very minor vision issues. Blurry vision, loss of a little peripheral vision, small print would appear jumbled or even disappear....a little annoying. I had recently had my eyes checked, but had not filled my new script for lenses, so I assumed that was the problem. I did go back to the optometrist once more just to have him double check before I got new lenses to see if the prescription needed to change before I bought them. He did the peripheral vision test - you know that annoying one where you have to see the little waves of light moving out to the side and push the button? - well, i failed it. :) I went back a few days later to have my eyes dilated and he couldn't really tell anything from that either. So, he referred me to an ophthalmologist (i so just had to google how to spell that). In the mean time, I made an appointment to go see my PCP to see if he might have any insight. At this point, I was keeping all options open due to my hypothyroid and the high rate of diabetes in my family. He did blood work and found that my thyroid meds were keeping my thyroid borderline and that I had a gross vitamin D deficiency. So, I was to start a supplement and come back in 2 mos to have it all rechecked. I finally made my ophthalmology appointment, and it snowed. We rescheduled, and it snowed again. :) We rescheduled again, and I made it that time!! Keep in mind, this whole time, that my vision is slowly getting worse and worse - almost complete loss of peripheral and everything else was super blurry. REALLY annoying. Ophthalmologist did a few tests, dilated my eyes, and told me his suspicions - a growth on my pituitary gland.....noncancerous and very common. OK, I could deal with that. I had gone in thinking "OK, what is the very worst thing he could tell me?? Cancerous brain tumor or irreversible blindness." It wasn't either of those, so I was good. Well, I still had a growth in my head, but you know what I mean. :) He sent me on for an MRI the next week....I think that puts us up to February 24 for that test. SIDEBAR: If you ever have the option, get an open MRI!!! :) That is a miracle thing - not sure what I would have done without it. Funny how the idea of getting my face/head cut open to have a tumor removed didn't really bother me that much. But shoving me into a long tube?? Terrifying. Anyway, I made it through the MRI unscathed (tornadoes were looming as I was going into the clinic.) To my surprise, Dr. Lawton the ophthalmologist (BTW - if you ever need one who specializes in neuro issues, this is your guy!! he's great!!) called me the next day to confirm that it was, in fact, a tumor. "Pituitary Adenoma" is the term he used. Never heard of it you say? Well, me either, but since I found out about mine, I have heard of and met all kinds of people who have or have had them! Crazy common, these things are! While on the phone, his office went ahead and scheduled an appointment with a surgeon for a week and a half-ish later. That puts us up to March 9 in our timeline. In that week and a half-ish, my vision was just about zapped. Not one tiny bit of peripheral (left eye was worse than right), and I was squinting and sitting an inch away from anything I had to read. And even then, I had to guess at what it said most of the time. I could only read very large, bold fonts, and it basically had to be black on white for me to see it. I cannot explain how annoying (and scary) it was. I have a whole new respect for the vision impaired!!! March 9 rolled around, and I loaded up with my MRI DVD and my friend Christi took me to the appointment. Dr. Reza Shahim (BTW: if you're looking for a great neuro surgeon, he's your guy!) took a look at my brain scans and yep....there it was - a large tumor on my pituitary gland. See below - I took a pic of one of my MRI images with my phone.

So, the little gray area in the middle is the gland. The large bright area around it was the tumor......yeah, way bigger than the gland. And please no jokes about how you can't find my brain or anything. I checked with all the doctors. IT'S IN THERE!!!! :)
Dr. Shahim said surgery was my best bet for treatment, but that even then, we wouldn't know if/when my vision would be restored. I asked about meds since he said surgery probably wouldn't be an instant fix for the eyesight. He said at this point, he hated to try meds because by the time they started working, there could be permanent damage/vision loss. So, surgery it was!! I was excited. I know that probably sounds weird, but I was ready to be on the road to clear vision as soon as I could be! I was also waiting for the freak out/melt down to happen. It hadn't yet, but knowing myself, I knew it was coming. More on that later. :)
Surgery was scheduled for a week later, but I had to have some pretesting done. So, on March 10, I went to St. Vincent's to have an MRA (like an MRI, but for the purpose of viewing blood vessels), head CT, EKG, and bloodwork. The MRA was NOT open. :P Fortunately, I had taken a Valium and they also only had to put me in chest deep. And it was only 10 minutes long. Thank. You. Lord. CT - cake walk! It's like sticking your head into the hole in a giant donut! :) EKG and blood work were both nothing after that MRA. ;) I guess all of those tests were normal bacause no one screamed or paniced or ran from the room yelling "get me a crash cart! Stat!" or anything like that. When I had checked in that day, the nice man at the counter gave me some payment options. I could save almost $500 if I paid my total that day. So I did. Gulp. The total was $55,000 - and that didn't include the surgeon (kind of important) or anesthesia (really important). Sorry for all the money talk, but if you are going through this, I want you to know what to expect. I have insurance, thankfully, so my portion wasn't even remotely close to that. I left that day ready to go. All I had to do was pee in a cup and bring it to the hospital the day of surgery. :) Now I had to wait.
March 16 rolled around soon enough, and my parents and I pulled up to St. Vincent Hospital around 6am that morning. I walked in, waved my orange sheet of paper, and they sent me straight up to the surgery waiting area. We got up there, a nice nurse came and took me back to prep, and afer a little while, mom and dad came back to hang out until it was time for me to go back. My cousin, Sam, even got to come back and hang out. i was glad for this. It kept me busy and chatty and helped me not dwell on the fact that my face was about to be cut open. My nurses were super nice, the ENT who was doing the opening and closing came back to meet me. Dr. Graves Hearnsberger - (BTW: if you're looking for a good ENT, THIS is your guy!!!! AMAZING!!!!!!). He was great, and super sweet, and very personable. A friend of his/friend o mine who happens to be a nurse came by with him. It was great to see her smiling face too! Anesthesia came back to go over what all was going to happen. At this point, I was still talking and laughing and making jokes. They asked if they wanted something to "calm me down" before we went back. I declined. Not sure what I was thinking! :) We had to wait a little longer than planned because Dr. Shahim hadn't made it there yet, and he had to sign some paperwork. Finally, everything go signed that needed signed, and they wheeled me back!! The last thing I remember is moving over from the stretcher to the table and looking around saying, "Wow! This is really cool! It's just like Grey's Anatomy in here!" And then I pre-apologized for anything I might do/say under the influence of drugs, they put the plastic breathing mask over my face, and I was out.

OK, I am at a good stopping point, and this is already way longer than most of you probably wish it was. So, I am going to take a break and will post more later! :)

I'm here! Still. Just in case you were wondering.

2010-09-28T22:35:00.001-05:00

I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I promise. I have some post cooking right now. Hopefully they will be ready soon! Stay tuned!!!

Win an iPad!!!!!!!

2010-09-09T19:24:00.002-05:00

Click here:

http://johnandchristinaanderson.blogspot.com/2010/09/win-ipad-help-bring-nora-home.html

to donate to the Anderson Family adoption fund AND.....

to enter to win an iPad!!!!!!!

If you don't want to pay online, and live in the Central AR area, you can contact me, and I will get you entered to win.

Thanks!!

Lindsey

Somewhere in the Middle

2010-08-08T21:06:00.001-05:00

My sister sent me a link to THIS ARTICLE the other day. She doesn't read the blog every day, and I have only read a couple articles she's sent me, so I don't know enough about the whole blog to totally recommend it whole heartedly. I do like this particular article, though, and I wanted to share it with you. Feel free to read it now........and breathe a huge sigh of relief like I did. :)

I find myself in the place of this article most days. I am not a feminist at all. However, I don't want to be the opposite extreme. And I must confess, I have found myself pitying both of those types of women before - which was wrong of me. It's just nice to read an article that doesn't try to guilt you into feeling like a doormat for desiring a life that isn't all about climbing the corporate ladder. NOR does it try to make you feel guilty for wanting to pursue other things in life besides the typical "homemaker" type activities. Neither is wrong if you are following the call of God in your lives. But, most of us fall in the middle, and you don't tend to hear about the middle very often. :) I just love how the article stresses that it's all about the glory you bring God.

Where do you fit? What do you want from your life? What do you feel called by God to do? What do you think about women who are the opposite of what you are/want to be? And do you keep in mind that even though what they do may not make sense to you, that they may well be following the call of God and bringing him glory because of that? Do you feel like your current lifestyle is glorifying God?

Bucket 5 Bucket List

2010-07-27T18:43:00.000-05:00

I read an article yesterday. Yeah. I know. My madcap life is one to be envied. :) While the article is written from a more...um, worldly standpoint, and I don't advocate everything listed in it, I love the idea behind it!

The writer created a bucket list, of sorts, of things to do while you're still single. For those of you who don't know what a bucket list is, watch this movie: The Bucket List. Be sure to bring your kleenex! Now, I'm not likening marriage to death, but it is a HUGE life change, and there may be some things you want to do or try before you have another person to think about, money to share, kids to take care of, etc.....

I have been trying to think of some things to put on my list. Every thing I've thought of can, of course, be done AFTER I'm married. However, the ease at which I could do it may disappear. The time I would have to accomplish certain things would be taken up with other things. Singleness is a wonderful time in life. I think there are a lot of people who miss out because they never experience it, or they experience it but don't let themselves enjoy it. So, today, I challenge you to sit back, think about all the things you'd like to do that will probably be harder to do once you are married, and make a list of all of those things. Then, I challenge you to start marking things off that list one by one!!! :)

Here are a few of mine:
1. Learn Italian
2. Take a road trip with some girlfriends
3. Go on a foreign mission trip

Some things I have done that I might not have been able to as easily had I been married:
1. Hosted a bible study in my home for college girls
2. Got 2 dogs - who I love and spoil!
3. Went on a cruise to the Bahamas, basically at the drop of a hat

What are some things you want to do or have done?!?

Random Questions: My Take

2010-07-05T23:01:00.000-05:00

OK, lots of you responded. Yay!!! Apparently I hit on some hot button issues. Good. I like discussion. Some of you responded on Facebook, some here, and some in private messages. I am going to post my answers.....well, not really answers. My opinions, I should say. Although, I must admit, that I am sort of up in the air about a few of the things, so I don't know how definite or clear my opinions will be. And I am but a mere human - imperfect in may ways - and at best, a mediocre writer. So, if something I say here is offensive, totally wrong, or unclear, please let me know so I can try to clarify or get more accurate answers.

#1: The Spark. Wow, such a seemingly small thing. But, we give it so much power. At first thought, I want to say the spark is a whole lot of hooey. I think we use it when we don't want to actually pin point a specific reason for not dating someone or if we have a reason that may be shallow, and we don't want to admit it, "there's just no spark" is a great way of getting out of a situation without having to tell people "i just didn't like his hair."

Let me say, I do feel like you should feel some sort of connection with a person that you are dating - emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and yes, physically. I think the physical connection should be last priority, and shouldn't be a driving force in your dating decisions. "Chemistry" is a subject you learn in school. It is not a series of experiments to see if you and your date are compatible. Finding compatibility should be a choice, a concerted effort to find common ground, shared interests or mutual values. It's not something we just toss out into the universe then wait for some cosmic sign or "feeling" to hit us to tell us this person is worth getting to know.

However, I did have one person point out to me that she when on a date with a person, didn't feel a "spark" but went out on several more dates to see if anything developed. She said that, as much as she tried, she just wasn't feeling it, and she broke it off so as not to lead him on. Honestly, I hadn't looked at it from that point of view before. My take on that is, she tried. She made an effort, gave it multiple chances, and was open to the idea of the relationship continuing if that is the direction it went in. I think maybe that's the difference - just discounting something because there is no initial "spark" may be too hasty. Writing something off after first encounter due to lack of spark is just as bad as basing an entire relationship on nothing but the initial spark. That's the thing with a spark - it's not permanent in any way - it cannot be trusted.

#2: Singles Adoption. This one is going to be hard to explain, I think. I don't really have any scriptural basis for this one - other than the verses about taking care of widows and orphans. However, I can't say that those verses encourage, accept or command unmarried people to adopt. Personally, I do not, at this time, feel called to adopt a child. And I don't see myself being called to do that ever as a single person. BUT, God may very well change my heart some day. I do know, that if I ever do get married, I for sure want to adopt!!! I DO NOT HAVE ANY PROBLEMS WITH ADOPTION IN AND OF ITSELF!!!!! I think it's awesome!!! OK, back to the subject at hand - Singles adopting - and I mean Christ centered singles prayerfully following the will of God.

Cons: 1. A child is intentionally being put into a single parent household, resulting in lack of male/female role model being present in the home. 2. Single parenting is HARD! Unless one is independently wealthy, he/she would have to work full time (at least, if not more) AND take care of the needs of a child without help from a spouse. 3. A child could potentially grow up in a household where a marriage relationship isn't modeled, thus leaving the child no idea or model of a healthy, godly relationship from his/her parents.

Pros: 1. A child that would otherwise be placed into one or more foster homes or left in an underfunded orphanage would be placed into a loving home with a parent who wanted him/her for life. 2. A child would get the opportunity to learn about/hear the gospel, when they may not have otherwise. 3. If the adopting parent had a great support system in place, the child could grow up in a strong godly environment, and can see models of what a godly man/woman is or a godly marriage is in the lives of grandparents, aunts, uncles, or family friends.

I have no idea if any of that makes sense to anyone but me. :) I don't really know how else to explain my take on it. Personally, I don't think it's right for me right now (not because I feels it's morally wrong, but because I don't feel God's call in that area), but I don't think I have a problem with singles adopting, as long as they are emotionally, spiritually, and mentally ready for such an undertaking, AND if they have people in place to help supplement what may be lacking due to lack of other parent.

If anyone can provide scripture or biblically based agreements or arguments to this, please share. I would like more insight on this, but am not sure where to begin looking.

#3: Internet Dating: Once again, I don't think this is something that I personally feel compelled to do right now. I don't have huge issues with people meeting other people on-line, but as someone commented on Facebook, when it never makes it off the computer screen into real life, or if you "date" a long long time via the internet before ever meeting, that is an issue. The great thing about the internet is that sometimes we feel freer to say/do things we wouldn't say/do face to face because there is no threat of immediate humiliation or heart break. The bad thing about the internet is that sometime folks aren't as honest as they should be, or aren't honest at all. So, people can either be a super honest version of themselves or no version of themselves at all. It's a little scary to think of it that way. I think on-line dating website should be used with much caution and prayer (as with any major decision.) And I only think it should be used as a means for meeting local singles in your area - not to find a boyfriend who lives 3 states away that you aren't ever going to see until you log into Skype. Once you've met the person on-line, you need to actually meet them in person, get to know them face to face, get to know their friends/family to see who they really are. And that can even be scary when you met them on-line and they may or may not be who they claimed to be. There are definitely a lot of risks involved with it. But, as someone commented earlier, the same risks could apply to someone you met in the produce aisle at Kroger or at the gym or even at church. You have to be super careful in any dating realm!! Especially if it's not someone you've known for a long time or someone that a friend/family member knows. Did I just ramble for 30 minutes???!!!???

Well, I'm thinking those answers are clear as mud. I don't even want to proof read this before I post it because I'm afraid I will confuse myself. lol!! Those are just my thoughts on some 21st century issues that singles face. If you've never been single for any length of time, of if you were single long, long ago, this is just a little taste of the issues/options we face, discuss, and have to make decisions about. I know marriage comes with it's own set of issues, and I'm not trying to make you all pity us. But, I would like for you to have some insight. And if you are single and haven't faced/though about/discussed any of these issues yet - just hold on. I am sure one of them will come up one day.

Thanks for reading folks!!

Lindsey

Random Questions

2010-07-05T14:54:00.000-05:00

Hmm....part of me wonders why I'm about to write this blog. You see, it's some questions that require feedback. And I'm not sure anyone will answer. :) But, I will press on and see if you wow me with some stellar answers.
NOTE: I'm not trying to start arguments, provoke ill feelings toward anyone who doesn't agree with you, or invite condemnation on anyone. These are just a few topics that I am sort of on the fence about and am wondering what other people think about them. So, please keep this in mind. And if you have scripture to back up your opinion, by all means, toss it in there. If it's just your opinion, let us know that too!

Topic one: The "spark." We see/hear it in the movies and on TV shows. The ever elusive "spark" seems to play a pretty big role in determining who people will or won't pursue. A spark implies something tiny - a small, faint glimmer. But sometimes I feel like we singles give it way more power than it should have. Have you ever discontinued a relationship because there was "just no spark"? Have you ever not even started a relationship or gone out with someone because at your initial meeting you didn't "feel any spark"? I agree, you need to have some sort of connection in order to be able to carry on a conversation or spend any length of time with someone, but sometimes I feel like we depend on the "spark" WAY too much! We have seen too many movies where violins begin to sweetly play at just the right moment. Or literal fireworks zing through the sky during the first kiss. Or some sort of perfect little sign that could only come from destiny herself. Don't get me wrong - I am the first one to get sucked into a great movie. But I do try to stay mindful that it's not reality and things don't usually just fall into place like that. So, what do you think about "The Spark"?? Do you think it's legit? Do you think it's a whole lot of hooey? Do you think we place too much importance on it? Have you ever given up a potential date and/or relationship because you didn't feel it? Have you ever regretted that decision??

Topic two: Singles adoption. (I told you this was random.) How do you feel about singles who adopt/want to adopt? I have a huge heart for adoption. I have for a long time, and even more so since my sister and her family decided to adopt a baby from Ethiopia! (Super exciting, by the way.) I think adoption is a wonderful ministry. I think it is a wonderful alternative for those who can't have children, but I also think it's a great way to save a child from a horrible circumstance. To me, adoption is just as much, if not more, about saving a child than it is about expanding your family. It's precious, and those who are sensitive to God's call in their lives to adopt are amazing folks! I just wonder sometimes about the single person who adopts. Is it scriptural? Non-scriptural? On one hand, you are intentionally putting a child into a one parent home. On the other hand, you are putting a child into a loving home with a parent as opposed to a child growing up in an underfunded orphanage or the instability of the foster system. Your thoughts??

Topic three: Internet dating. Wow.......I probably just opened a can of worms here. :) I really am just curious as to what others think about it. I really, truly can't decide what I think about it. I do know that I believe that if you do meet someone on-line, they need to be close enough to you that you can actually go out and see each other and that sort of thing. I do not think that a lasting, fulfilling, mature relationship can form completely and grow via DSL. But, I wonder sometimes if we are lazy and it's easier to log on and let a search engine find our dates. Or, I wonder if it's just a 21st century way of meeting people and is no different than letter writing to a WWII soldier. What do ya think?

Hmmmm.....I think that's all for now. Now, surprise me and actually answer. :)

Killer Red Dress? Nah....Strength and Dignity for me, please.

2010-06-06T22:21:00.001-05:00

So, I've been pondering new posts, and I have had lots of good ideas, but for some reason, none of them are coming to me right now when I actually have time to post. Go figure. :) Sorry I haven't posted much/often. I feel like I'm busy with a zillion things, and this always gets shoved to the back burner. I do often wonder, if I'm this busy now, how in the world do women with a husband, child/multiple children, a job, etc.....do it???

I am just me. I have two dogs. I have two jobs. I have a house - not huge, but still... I have a yard. I have friends that I like to hang out with. I am involved in church. I have a family. I have several out of town/state friends.

I take care of myself. I take care of my dogs. I work 60+ hours a week. I clean house, do laundry, wash dishes, dust, scrub, mop, sweep, vacuum. I mow (and weed eat only when I HAVE to). I watch movies/tv/spend time with friends. I go to Sunday school/church functions. I go home for family get togethers. I drive to several different places on the weekends occasionally to see the out of towners.

Writing it all down even makes me tired. But, I can't imagine doing that for more than one person. I know people do it. And I know God will equip me to do it if he calls me to do it. But it just seems like so much!!!! Now I know why the Virtuous Woman gets up while it is still dark, and her lamp doesn't go out at night. I have no clue when she gets any sleep!!!

Proverbs 31:10-31 is one of my favorite passages. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment - reading it always makes me feel pitiful. But, it is something to aspire to. I know lots of people who don't think she was a literal, real woman, but just an example of what we should work towards. I personally think she was real. That is based on nothing but my opinion. :) But, I do believe she existed. I know women now that are just like her - women that spend 99% of their energy working to take care of their household and serve those in and around it - women who I would like to be like one of these days. And I don't believe you have to be married to be like her. She does have a husband and children, but you can serve your neighbors/friends/family members in the same way.

I think there are a shortage of women like her or women who are working towards being like her. I think that all too often, we are absorbed with looking just right or having all the right friends or going to all the right parties. This woman was respected in her community for how she served others - not because she wore a killer red dress to the $100 a plate dinner fund raiser to help the homeless. She actually just took food to the homeless!

I think there are a shortage of men who are worthy of this type of woman or who are even looking for this type of woman. It seems they are looking for the woman in the killer red dress. :) Or, maybe they want this woman IN the killer red dress with hair and nails perfectly done while she bakes her homemade bread and scrubs her floors. There are 22 verses in this chapter about her. 1/2 of one verse talks about her looks. I'm just sayin'.....

Anyway, I love her. I want to be just like her. If I'm married with children one day, I want them to be able to "rise up and call me blessed." If I stay single forever, I want those around me to be able to say that I served them whole heartedly to the glory of the Lord. How do you feel about her? Ladies, is it a priority for you to be like her? Guys, if any of you are reading this, is this the kind of woman you are looking for?

I really want your thoughts on this one. I always welcome comments, but I would love to know what you all think about "Ruby." :)

What a Girl Needs (to be)

2010-05-16T17:49:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so, it's been a while. :) A longer while than I realized. So sorry for that! I've been a little busy. But, I'm back and hopefully it won't be that long until I post again!!

So I've been thinking. I do that from time to time. I know. You're shocked. Anyway, I was trying to think of my next few blog posts, and I thought of this one. :) I will think of the next one later, OK.

Have you ever been asked about what you are looking for in a date, boyfriend, spouse? Have you made a list of the qualities you want or need? Have you written it down? Do you discuss dates gone amiss or guys that seem to be lacking one of your qualities with all your closest girlfriends? If you are a normal single woman, I am sure you would answer yes to at least one of those questions. If you answered no to all of them, well then you are just lying. :)

All of those questions are good to ask. You need to have a list of qualities you are looking for that you won't settle on - if not written down, at least defined very clearly in your mind. We all need to know what we are looking for so that we will know when we find it. We also need to have that list firmly in the front of our minds so that we won't be as tempted to fudge on it a little when we meet that super good looking guy who may not be a strong believer, but, man, is he cute. ;) There is nothing wrong with having standards and sticking to them.

But....let me ask you this - How many of you have a list, in your head or written down, of all the qualities YOU need to develop before becoming someone's wife? Yeah....turning the tables on you there. I was probably 18 or 19 years old before this thought ever occurred to me. If I am expecting a godly man who will be a strong spiritual leader for our household, am I ready to be a godly woman who follows my husband's leadership and prays for him daily? WOW. Hmmm.......I'm sorry. What did you say? I was too busy scribbling away at my list of 67 qualities that all men should possess. I didn't hear you. ;) Crazy as it sounds, God did not create marriage to be the man pulling all the weight in the relationship while we women tag along as arm candy. Although, we are some pretty amazing arm candy. ;)

Once I let that sink in, that I needed to have just as many godly qualities as I was asking for in a man, I started looking at things in a different light. If I was going to set my standards high, then I, myself, better be able to meet some high standards too. How was I going to require so much from a man, and not really bring anything to the table myself? Total wake up call!!! Ever since then, I have tried my best to concentrate more on what I need to be than on what he needs to be. I still have my list of standards, and I won't forget them. I just don't think about it so much that I neglect or fail to see my shortcomings. I have tried to be the female equivalent to what I am looking for in a male. I know, as men and women, we have different roles in marriage. I know that a lot of times, opposites attract. So, I know I will probably not need to possess the EXACT same talents, strengths, or positive characteristics as whomever I marry. But, my point is, I should posses them. And I should start now trying to develop them.

In trying to figure out what it means to be a godly wife, I tend to look to those around me. I know the Word of God is the best place to find ideas!! :) However, I am a very visual learner, and I need practical every day application. So, taking what I have learned from the Word, I look to those around me who I know are daily acting out what they have learned from the Word. I don't try to be just like them - everyone's personalities are different. However, I do see qualities in them that I would like to possess - qualities that I know if they didn't have, their marriages and lives would suffer for. Qualities that, I also know, probably didn't naturally come to them. Qualities that they had to work for. Things like a servant's heart, a selfless attitude, the other S word......submission. Yeah, I hate that word. And I have a horrible fear that I will struggle with that as a wife. But, knowing that now, helps me to develop the right attitude - so maybe, just maybe, I won't be one of those wives who thinks "husband" = "doormat." Say a prayer for me, OK. :)

That is one of the blessings of being single for a while. I get to observe and learn from the married folks around me - things I want to do (or don't want to do) in my marriage. I try to learn from others mistakes or successes. And not saying that my marriage will be perfect because I have had all this learning time (I know there will be LOTS of learning once I am married.), I do think these lessons that I've tried to learn will help ease the process. Don't waste your single time!! Use it. There are LOTS of ways to use it, actually. This is just one way. Read the Word - Proverbs 31 is a good place to start. :) Find at least one or two qualities in that passage that you don't possess and purpose to develop them. Look at godly women around you. See what they do, or better yet, ask them what they do. Find in them qualities that you would like to possess as a wife and work towards that.

Of course, developing godly qualities shouldn't be something we do only with marriage in mind. We should all strive to be our best - to develop qualities we are lacking - because it brings glory to God. And it is imperative that we glorify God - as a single, as a married, as a whatever situation He puts us in.

Fact & Fiction: Installment 5

2010-04-27T23:22:00.001-05:00

One more F&F post for now and we will take a break from those for a bit. :)
Fiction #5: "My situation is impossible! I don't know many/any available quality men, and there really isn't much opportunity to meet any. I'm going to have to take matters into my own hands, because there is no way I'm ever going to get married if I stay here!" And let me just say, I am from a small town, but now live in a city (not a huge one, but bigger than my home town), and this fiction statement, at times, feels just as true about the bigger city as it does about the small town.
Fact #5: Matthew 19:26 - "With (woman) this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Once again, I could stop typing right now, and enough would be said. :)
A few disclaimers here:
1. Look around you. You will probably find more quality men than you think are there. Sometimes we get so bogged down with the day in/day out that we fail to see those around us for who they really are. We get so focused of this idea we have in our head of Mr. Right, that we ignore anyone who doesn't fit that exact bill. Keep your high standards of moral quality, but don't be so fixated on things that are probably not that significant. You'll find that you know a whole lot more great guys than you thought you did. Know someone who is nice, godly, polite, a gentleman, smart, funny, etc....but not the gorgeous hunk of man you always had pictured?? Take the time to get to know him better. You'd be surprised at how attractive he might become once you know who he really is.
2. While I do not recommend trying to MAKE something work out with a guy, going out to places you know you shouldn't go to just to meet available men, or trying to force a relationship out of desperation, a little of the responsibility does lie on our shoulders. In my above fiction statement, "take matters into my own hands" means any of the above. It does not mean that we cannot talk to single guys, get to know them as friends, or let ourselves be set up with good guys recommended by those we know and trust. I think that while sometimes women go overboard trying to put themselves in the way of every man out there, some women do the exact opposite. They never talk to guys. They never hang around with them in groups. They don't appear available in any way because they are too busy giving the men the cold shoulder so as not to appear desperate. There is a happy medium, ladies!!! No, we shouldn't try to force something - to run ahead of God's timing or put ourselves in inappropriate situations in order to meet men. But, they have to know we exist, and can communicate, and can totally dazzle them with our wit and charm. ;)

Like Matthew says - NOTHING is impossible with God. Now, I know most of you reading this probably know that. And you're sitting there thinking, "Duh, Lindsey. I can't believe I came here to read your blog, and you're telling me junk I've known my whole life." And it's true - this is no secret hidden wisdom that I'm now bestowing on you out of years of life experience that only I could know. It's a pretty basic Sunday School answer - with God, all things are possible. But you know, it just helps sometimes to be reminded of it. And I know, that with a jazzy trend setter as myself saying it, it's going to make you all run out and start saying it too, huh? LOL!!! Right.........
This is actually a fiction that I am struggling with right now. I feel, a lot of times, like "all the good ones are gone." My friends and I often talk about this subject. It's frustrating to not only want to be dating someone, but also to not even have any prospects! :) At times, it does feel impossible. However, when I get down, God reminds me of this verse in Matthew; of Abraham and Sarah when they had a child well past child bearing age; when Joshua lead thebattle of Jericho and won by marching, playing some trumpets and yelling; and most important, when a baby was born, grew to be a man without any sin, died on a cross, and rose again. None - not one - of those things happened out of human strength or power. None of them happened out of someone taking charge and doing things their own way. They all happened as a result of God's plan, done in God's power, and for God's glory. Ever noticed how God, on purpose, uses the most simple, seemingly impossible, or pathetic situations to move in huge ways? Yeah....He does that because it brings Him the most glory. If God won a war when His army outnumbered the others' by 10,000, they all had machine guns and tanks when the other guys had double barrel shotguns, and they had home field advantage, who do you think would get all the praise for that? Probably the guys fighting. But a few guys marching, blowing trumpets and yelling? There is no way credit could go to anyone but God. And that is how He works in our lives too. Situations that seem the most impossible, bring Him the most glory.
And while it's hard to wait in what seems like a desolate land, know that God is working all things for your good and for HIS GLORY. It's not in vain. And in the mean time, maybe we should all go out and take some trumpet lessons. ;)

Fact & Fiction: Installment 4

2010-04-22T18:43:00.000-05:00

Fiction #4: "I must have some huge sin in my life or have done something terribly wrong in order to deserve the punishment of singleness." or the ever more popular "There MUST be something wrong with me! That is why I can't find a date." Wow....just writing those and seeing them in print breaks my heart - for every time I ever thought it and for every time any other girl has thought it and believed it.
Fact #4: "God's timing is perfect. God is going to do what brings Him the most glory. I am single right now because I have chosen to follow the will of God in my life, and being single is what is going to bring him the most glory." Yikes....that's hard to write too. It makes me want to try to convince God of how much glory I could bring him as a girlfriend or wife. :)
Now, let me be the first to say that I am all for self-examination - for making sure that all sin is confessed and there is nothing breaking my fellowship with God. I will also be the first to say that I don't practice this nearly as much as I should. It is so very important to confess and clear out sin as soon as we are aware of it. But, we need to do so we maintain a right relationship with God - not in hopes of scoring some brownie points with him that might earn you a significant other. :)
I've said it before, and I'll say it again - nothing we do is going to change God's mind. His will is His will. Period. But, not only is His will perfect, His timing is too! Now, you would think that someone raised in church her whole life would automatically know that God's timing is included in His perfect will. But, some of the wisest words I have ever heard were in Maggie Chandler's Sunday school class one day. She said, "You not only have to trust God's will. You have to trust His timing." LIGHT BULB!!! As soon as it hit me, it then seemed odd to me that it had never occurred to me before. I KNOW God has a plan for my life. I know it is for my best and for His glory. I know it is perfect. I completely trust that plan. I have no doubt that God will do what He says He will do. But, before that moment, I didn't really put much faith in the timing of it. Which essentially is not trusting Him. I knew He had a plan, but I thought He might need my advice on exactly when to carry it out.
Most, if not all of you, have heard The Byrds' song Turn, Turn, Turn. "To everything, (turn, turn, turn) there is a season, (turn, turn, turn), and a time to every purpose under Heaven." (your welcome for getting that stuck in your head for the rest of the day.) Well, just in case you didn't know, that song comes from a scripture in Ecclesiastes. Chapter 3, verses 1-8 explain all of the things there is a time for. I'll give you a minute to check the link and read over it. (humming the theme from Jeopardy......)
OK, now that you're back, let's chat about a few of those things.
   1. Tear Down vs. Build Up: What are some things that need torn down? Satan's strong holds in our lives. Bitterness over our lot in life. Negative thoughts about God or ill feelings toward Him/His plan for our life. What are some things that we need to work to build up? Our faith. Our joy. Each other. Here's where the timing comes in - it's gonna be pretty difficult to build others up in joy when we are bitter at God for our current circumstances. :) So, maybe we need to tear some negative things down, then work hard to build those others, more positive things, up.
   2. Mourning vs. Dancing: I like this one! Not the mourning part so much, but the dancing part sounds fun! :) No one wants to think about mourning, grieving, crying - anything that makes us sad. But, unfortunately it's a part of life. Sad things happen. We experience loss in many different ways. God is there to hold us and hear us cry. He knew it was going to happen long before it did. However, the mourning has a flip side.....the DANCING! The good times wouldn't feel nearly as good, the mountain tops not nearly as high if we didn't have the bad times, the valleys. But, praise the Lord that joy comes in the morning!!! I really do think that sometimes we don't use our time of dancing to dance enough. We use our time of dancing to wallow and dwell on the time of mourning. I haven't read Beth Moore's book "Get out of that Pit!" but I do like the title! The mourning hurts badly, but that means that we need to use our time of dancing all the more - to take full advantage of it!
   3. Speaking vs. Silence: All I can say to this one is a big O-U-C-H! "Silence is golden", someone once said. That means we should all be millionaires!!! But all too often, we are paupers. So many times we speak when we should really just keep our mouths shut. Yes, that scripture says there is a time to speak - and I whole heartedly believe that. We should use our words to encourage one another, build each other up, speak words of wisdom to those around us, and sometimes even correct one another in a spirit of love. All too often, we use our words to complain, tear each other down, or tell God what we want from him with no faith behind our words or desire to know His will. Thumper said it well when he said "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." What should have been tacked on to the end of that is "and if you can't think of anything good to say, pray to God to give you kind words." :) Prayer is a great way to learn and know what times are good for speaking and what times are good for silence.
And do you know who creates all of these opportunities for us to build up, tear down, mourn, dance, speak, remain silent, or anything else that Ecc. 3 talks about....you got it! God does. If you go on to read the next few verses, it explains a little about God's timing. Verse 11, especially, says "....they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." I love how it uses past tense "has" to talk about God doing things for the future "end." Even things that are yet to come for us, God "has done." That means he sees the BIG PICTURE. Not only does he have the lid of the puzzle box, he MADE the puzzle. All we have is one tiny piece.
He has given us this single time in our lives for a purpose, as Esther said "for such a time as this." If we waste this time, we are missing out on incredible blessings, lessons to learn, opportunities to bless those around us. If we spend all of our time looking forward to the next time in our lives, we miss all the wonderful things going on around us in THIS time of our lives. I know too many women who spend all their time hating being single and wishing they were married, that they are down right miserable - they miss all the fun stuff going on in their lives. And believe me, singles have lots of opportunities to do fun things - you don't have to look very hard. I'm not saying this to encourage irresponsible behavior, but think about this - we don't have to consult a spouse before we go on a vacation or have a girls' night out or make a major purchase. If we want to come home and eat cereal for dinner, we can, with no apologies. We can get up and go on a moment's notice - on a weekend trip, to the movies, or to Europe. :) It's such a shame to miss out on so much fun stuff because we just can't wait to skip this time in our lives to get to the next one. (ok, i'll stop chasing that rabbit now.)
So, not only does God have a good and perfect will for our best and His glory, He has a good and perfect time table to carry out that will. And until God decides to change our position in life, we best use all the resources He's given us to bless others and glorify Him now. Because if we don't learn to glorify Him now, we probably won't do it when a ring is slipped on our finger.

Hey!

2010-04-21T21:53:00.000-05:00

I do have a 4th installment of Fact & Fiction! :) I just haven't had tons of time to write lately. I have full intentions to, but somehow my time keeps escaping me. :) I will try to get it posted tomorrow. In the mean time, here's a question - What would you like for me to address on this blog? What hot button single topic are you interested in? Let me know!!!

F&F: Installment 3

2010-04-16T19:56:00.000-05:00

OK, so as I'm sitting alone on a Friday night watching Ghost Whisperer - I don't get cable and Friday nights are slightly lacking in quality entertainment - I can't say that I will be writing this post with gusto. Because you see, some days, I'd just like to give up - to throw all of my convictions and standards out the window and just find a guy that will do. You know, not the best guy, the great guy - just the good guy - sometimes I think he'll do. Then, I wouldn't be stuck at home on Friday nights watching sub-par television. But then, most days are good days - days when I know that God has a plan - for my best - for His glory. So, on the weak days, I have to remember the good days. :) That leads me to my 3rd installment of Fact & Fiction. And it's a doozy!

Fiction #3: My standards are just too high. There are lots of variations of this one. "No guy could live up to such lofty standards, so I better lower the bar." "As I get older, the pool of available quality men gets shallower, so I need to be less picky." Etc......
Fact #2: Without being picky, I need to set standards according to what scripture says. I also need to ask the question, "Which will bring God more glory? A relationship/marriage with this person? Or for me to remain single for now and continue to wait?"
OK, to start off, let's define the difference between "high standards" and "picky." :)
Having high standards means being prayerful about what God wants for you, about HIS best for your life. It means basing your search for a husband on Godly qualities - someone who will be a strong spiritual leader, someone who will be a good father to your children, a man who knows what it means to be a Godly husband and holds himself to that standard, someone who will constantly challenge you to be better and to strengthen your walk with Christ.
Being picky is refusing to date someone because their ear lobes are not even, they don't wear the "right" clothes or drive the "right" car, because they don't have a job that you think is prestigious enough, etc...... THERE IS A HUGE DIFFERENCE IN BEING PICKY AND HAVING HIGH STANDARDS.
Sadly, this fiction is more often inflicted on singles by their families, friends, or coworkers than we inflict it on ourselves. I mean, like I said earlier, there are days, when I would like to let myself settle. I wallow. I whine and focus on myself instead of Christ. And don't lie, I know you all probably feel the same way at times. But sometimes, a lot of times, we feel pressure from the outside - like something is wrong with us, or our standards are way too high. Now let me say, I am blessed beyond belief! My family and friends do not pressure me! I don't have to deal with the nagging or questioning as to why I'm single. But, I know lots of people whose families don't understand why they don't date that guy. "I mean, come on! He's a good guy!" But, deep in their hearts, they know he's not the BEST guy.
It amazes me, especially as singles get older, how those around them think it's OK, even expect them to settle for something less that what they want, than what God wants - all for the sake of not being alone. Well, I've said it before, and I will say it until I die - I would rather live the rest of my life single than settle for less than God's best. It's hard to put that out there - to say it for the first time - because saying it out loud makes you realize that there is the possibility that it could happen. It probably won't, but it could.
Proberbs 23:17, 18 is one of my favorite passages. When I would look around me and see so many people, seemingly everyone, in a relationship, engaged, married, that is when it would be the hardest to hold on to my convictions, to hold tight to the high standards I've set. Prov. 23:17, 18 says, "Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the Lord. There is SURELY a future hope for you and that hope will not be cut off." God has a future hope for us, a plan, His divine will. And He will not give up on that, He won't change his mind (as we learned in an earlier post), and He will follow through on his promises.
We cannot rush ahead of his timing, lower our standards, settle - we have to hold on to our hope! We cannot live by the motto of "any man is better than no man." We cannot not settle for the "good guy" when God wants us to wait for the "BEST guy" - even if that means waiting a little longer than we want to, or waiting longer that a lot of our friends.
I feel like I have rambled for most of this post - sorry for that. I have so many strong feelings about this topic. I see so many women who took the first guy that came along - and it did not end well. The result was either a broken marriage or a woman living her entire life unhappy because, though no man is perfect, the man she married wasn't the spiritual leader she needed. Either result is a travesty. So, although waiting is so very difficult at times, the result of not waiting is infinitely worse.
And if you are a friend, family member or coworker who tries to set that single in your life up with someone who doesn't go to church, who doesn't live a life that is glorifying to God, who isn't grounded in the Word - shame on you. If you question or nag or try to make them feel bad or strange or like an old maid because they are single and happen to be a little older than what you think a single person should be - shame on you. I don't want to be whiney, but being single is hard enough as it is - we don't need to be discouraged by those closest to us.

Now I have to go, Ghost Whisperer is about over and I need to see if they go into the light! ;)

Hmmm???

2010-04-15T21:40:00.000-05:00

This weather is gorgeous!!! I cannot WAIT for the weekend. I have some shoots, but they are outside, and I plan on relishing every minute of it!

What are your plans???

F&F: Installment 2

2010-04-14T17:41:00.001-05:00

Fiction #2: I am incomplete, half a person, or less of a woman because I do not have a husband. A lot of folks think this - about themselves, or about the single people around them. It is NOT true.
Fact #2: I am complete in Christ. Colossians 2:10. I mean, if you read that verse, I could just stop typing now. It says it all. :)
I have a sneaking suspicion that I am about to step on some married toes with this post. Let me say that my intent is not to diminish marriage in any way! I am definitely pro-marriage! But I am also definitely pro-encouraging singles to live the most God glorifying life possible! :) So, that being said, let me explain.
Have you ever heard that phrase "my better half" or "his/her better half"? Well, we all say it, and it's funny. But not literal. :) Do I believe that God has one specific person made just for me? Yes! Do I believe that each individual person within a couple possesses different strengths that supplement their partners weaknesses? Yes! (ever heard of "opposites attract"?) Do I believe that some people function better with a spouse than they do as a single? Yes! I think all these things are true. However, I do not believe that until we are married, we are all walking around with some gaping hole in our lives, half a person, searching for our lost head...oh wait, didn't mean to get all Sleepy Hollow on you, but you get my point.
If any issue about singles will get me fired up, it is this one, so I'm going to try my darnedest to not get up on my soap box, but please listen closely. IF YOU ARE A BELIEVER, A CHILD OF GOD, NO MATTER IF YOU ARE MARRIED OR SINGLE, YOU ARE A WHOLE BEING! Yes, we are weak, imperfect humans. Yes, until we come to know the Lord on a personal level, we are empty and missing something. But, by the grace of God, we have that chance to be a whole person. 2 Peter 1:3 says "His divine power has given us EVERYTHING we NEED for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness." I LOVE that verse! Notice it says EVERYTHING we NEED! God has given us everything we need for a godly, Christ-centered life. If I needed a husband to be godly, I would have one. If I needed a husband to be complete and whole (because I don't know how well half a person could glorify God.) I would have one. The verse does not say "everything we need for certain stages of life and godliness..." When it is time for me to have a husband, God will send one. Until then, I will assume that I do not NEED one. **Now guys, if there are any of you even reading this, do not get me wrong - I am in no way saying you all are not important, necessary, or wanted. I do not want to diminish a husband's role in a marriage, because it is VERY important. I am just trying to point out that, while you ARE needed for lots of things, making sure your spouse is whole and complete and happy and content and full should not be your main responsibility.** We need to find our joy, contentment, and happiness in God - then we can have joy, contentment and happiness in marriage or whatever life God chooses for us.
While I do believe that husbands' and wives' strengths and weaknesses COMPLIMENT one another, I do NOT believe we are each others' completion. I don't know about you, but I don't know that I want that kind of pressure - my husband looking to me, depending on me to make his life whole and complete. If he or you or I cannot find that in Jesus Christ, then we sure won't find it in another human being. It is my belief that a lot of marriages would suffer less stress if individuals weren't expecting their spouse to be their whole world.
This is where I have to tell you - Ladies, if you have not read "Lady in Waiting," I highly recommend it! I have read it, hmm....oh, I don't know....15 times, maybe! :) It is a little dated, but full of insights and words of wisdom about the single life. I think it would probably also be a good read for any of you who are married too! So many things in that book can be applied to married life as well. That book is where I learned this very important lesson that I am sharing with you now. It changed my whole outlook on life!
So, in closing (I'm going to have to read back over this before I publish is to make sure it makes sense and isn't one big long ranting run-on.) I just want to reiterate that as a child of the Most High God, someone with the Holy Spirit living inside me, I am complete. Now, whether or not I FEEL complete every day is up to me, but I AM complete. All of my weaknesses, holes, cracks, chips, and breaks were repaired the moment the Holy Spirit entered my heart. Not that I am perfect or even close to it - I still mess up. I still make mistakes. I still leave dishes in the sink too long. And while I'm sure that I will probably marry a man who is more patient than me, doesn't have as quick a temper as I do, and washes the dishes the minute he finishes with them, if I never did find that man or any man at all - I am NOT half a person!
And for those of you who may have just read this and thought "I DON"T know what she's talking about! How can God make you whole?" PLEASE message me! I would love to share with you the ultimate Love. Love that you will never be able to find on this earth.
Lindsey

Fact & Fiction: Installment 1

2010-04-13T12:11:00.001-05:00

Over the next few days, weeks, however long I can keep this up, I would like to explore some common fears or wrong theories that I believed at one time. And I'd bet some of you have wondered or worried about the same things. And if you haven't, just tell me you have so I don't feel like a total weirdo. :)

#1 Fiction: If I find real happiness and contentment as a single, God may leave me there for the rest of my life.

You would be surprised at how many people truly believe this. When I was 18 and reading "Lady in Waiting" for the first of many times, I was slowly beginning to understand that marriage is not an automatic once you graduate. My attitude toward long term singleness was SLOWLY changing. (and by "slowly" I mean grudgingly.) I was beginning to see that life did, in fact, exist outside of marriage, but that is NOT what I wanted to hear. My 18 years of understanding about my future adult life was being totally challenged, and I was not having it. I fought the contentment for a long time. Isn't that funny?! I'm such a dork. I was actually trying to remain unhappy about the possibility of being single for a long time - because I thought that if I got to where I liked it, that God would just leave me there!

Fact #1: My attitude, my actions, my joy or lack thereof will in NO WAY change God's mind about His plans for me! :) That's just one of the many amazing things about God! He is steadfast - the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow - Hebrews 13:8. So, my pity parties aren't going to speed Him up, and my joyful contentment (most days ;)) isn't going to delay Him.

Do you know what contentment will do? It will improve YOUR outlook on life, attitude towards God, and, most importantly, your testimony. Wallowing in self pity is certainly the easiest route - thus making it the most desirable route at times. However, it just makes you miserable. It makes people around you not want to be around you. It robs you of all of the "little joys" in life. God's plan is God's plan. Period. End of story. Contentment is too wonderful a blessing to miss out on because you are afraid it will lodge you in your current situation FOR-EV-ER!! (any Sandlot fans out there?) Contentment will put a smile on your face and a peace in your heart that is unbelievable! Life in general will become a much more pleasant experience - for you AND those around you. :)

Ground Rules

2010-04-12T23:19:00.000-05:00

So, who wants to read a blog about singleness, you ask? Well, have I got news for you - I don't know the answer to that question! :) But, I know I have had lots (and remember that "lots" is a relative term) of people ask me over the past 10 or 12 years about being single, how I like it or don't like it, how do I remain happy in the midst of it, etc..... I certainly do not have it figured out, by any means! But, I do feel like God has allowed me little bits of insight here and there. He has shown me tiny pieces of wisdom. He has certainly grown me and stretched me in ways I never could have imagined. So, I guess this blog is going to be about some of that stuff. :) Or just random stuff that I think up from day to day. Whichever seems more interesting at the time. ;)

Some rules:

1. If you read this - all 3 of you - comment. No blog lurking or stalking!!!

2. No pity parties! And I'm saying that to me!!! If I post anything on here that sound uber whiney, let me know! I'm not saying all my posts will be full of smiley emot-icons and extra exclamation marks - a girl is entitled to her bad days - I do NOT want this to become about me sitting around shaking my fist at God, asking why I don't have my tall, dark, and handsome. First off, pity parties really are no fun - believe me, I would know! And secondly, this is supposed to be encouraging and insightful.

3. If one of the 3 of you reading this is married or engaged or even in a serious dating relationship, please refrain from any "You Go Girl!" type statements. You know the kind. Statements such as "God has someone planned for you and he's just not ready yet." or "You keep living and loving life! You don't need a man!" or "You could be married right now if you wanted, but you are not settling! You are waiting on God's best!" A.) These are all things I already know, believe, and practice. I am FULLY aware that God has my best interest in mind and the he is preparing me a wonderful man. (I, at this point, do not feel called to a life of singleness, so I do believe that there is a man for me out there somewhere.) B.) Statements like these that come from someone in a relationship are just annoying. There. I said it. Sorry if it sounds rude, but it's like Miss America telling the ugliest woman alive that "inner beauty is really the only thing that matters." We all know it's true, but who wants to hear that junk coming out of the mouth of an outwardly beautiful woman?!? Plus, it's really easy to tell people to "wait for God's best" when you aren't the one waiting for it anymore - or if you never really had to wait for it to begin with....you know who you are - the ones who got married right out of high school or college. :)

4. When I refer to singles in my blog, I am referring to those who are:

-- out of school - being single in college is a totally different stage of life.

-- unmarried - never been married or single again

-- un-engaged - I know you aren't married yet, but being in a committed relationship takes you out of the running.

-- have NOT been called to a life of singleness - I do believe that God calls some people to a life of singleness - as I stated earlier, I do not believe I am called to this, so I don't know how much insight I would have on this topic.

Speaking of......We all call it the "gift of singleness" - like the Caedmon's call song says "Maybe I have the gift that everyone speaks so highly of. Funny how nobody wants it." :) I always did wonder why we called it a gift because it did seem that it was one gift nobody minded missing out on. Until one day, while reading, or pondering the depth and meaning of life, or doing something super important like that (i can't quite remember), it occurred to me that being single IS a gift! Just like marriage is a gift. It's not "the gift of marriage" and then singleness is just what rest of us get stuck with. Each is a gift in it's own way. Each has its own sets of tests and struggles as well. Equally wonderful things can be learned in both circumstances.

Now, back to the rules......#5 is....hmmmm...I knew I had a #5. Well, maybe I'll think of #5 later. For now, 4 rules will do. :)

More to come!!!

Lonely Ride? I hope not!

2010-04-12T22:56:00.000-05:00

OK, so lots to say...hmmmmm....where to start.

Well, first off, I'm not sure why I listed my blog description as the life and times of the single "girl next door." That may be a lie. I've never been called the "girl next door." I'm not even sure I know what that means. It just sounded catchy. There - there is my disclaimer. :)

Secondly, I am not naive or self-absorbed enough to think that everyone in cyber-space wants to read the inner workings of my mind or thinks I have loads of wisdom to share. The more I've thought about this whole thing, I think I'm doing it for me more than for anyone else. If someone happens to read and enjoy - that's just a bonus.

Thirdly - "What is Bucket Five?" you say??? Well, I'm so glad you asked. I was in a pinch for a catchy blog title and the only thing that kept coming to mind about "singleness" (which by the way, I'm going to try and devise a better term to use for that because "singleness" just has a lame connotation) was a scene from one of my favorite movies - "Never Been Kissed." The star, Drew Barrymore, is about to get onto a ferris wheel.....alone.....DUN, DUN, DUN!!!!! And the carny yells out into the crowd "lonely ride in bucket five!" Drew then proceeds to ask him if he has to yell it like that, to which he replies "sure I do!" I know that probably isn't the best line to draw from when writing a blog about the joys of being a single, but it just stuck with me. And I like that the former Josie Gross-y had no problem whatsoever getting on that ferris wheel alone - because she wanted to. She didn't let lack of bucket companion get in her way. :)

I have no idea where this blog will go. I have no idea how long it will last. (I'd be thoroughly surprised if it went farther than this very post. :)) I have no idea how many will read it or laugh at it or think I'm a total loon. But, once again, I think I may be doing it for me more than anything. And if it helps one person, then yay! So,

Let's see...have I left anything out? Oh yeah - I'm not the greatest writer. :) I know several people who could word my thoughts and feelings much more eloquently that I ever could - maybe I will enlist their help one of these days. But for now, you will have to get used to my "writing like I talk" writing. :)

OK, so here we (or just me, I, whatever...) go!!!